January 5th, 2022

 A king. I want a king. I want a man, not a boy. I want a battle scarred warrior. Someone able to fight alongside me- not against me, not behind me, and definitely not before me. I want a King. A boy who earned through battle and war and loss and joy and the harsh truths of life, and his right to be called a King.

I know some amazing men. I know some hungry boys. But the one I'm looking for isn't interested in ruling over me. He only wants to rule beside me. A merging of two solid kingdoms, won by the wars he has overcome in his life, just as I have overcome and am still overcoming the battles of mine.

I was once a beggar, but now, I am a Queen. I will rule my kingdom that I have been given, and if the throne to my side stays empty while I battle the rest of my way home; then that's what was meant for me and what wise Queen would fight against her own destiny? Besides, who knows, if you were not born- "for such a time as this?"

I am confident yes, and stubborn-like a mule. As my daughter so eloquently puts it, "My Mamma might not shoot straight; but she will shoot you straight"- and that's for darn sure. But most boys don't seem to understand that how I live is how I love. I live and love with purpose, humility and integrity. Qualities I seek in the soul of that one possible King for me. I'm looking for the one to help me sharpen all of me, and help make me a better Queen. The point is that I don't need a King. My kingdom is well defended by the One Who called me His. A Queen, as well as a King, has a Father who is also a King, the transference of kingdoms come from the King- all throughout history, its a simple lesson we all fail to see in our endless quest for acceptance and love, and peace.

So, I will stand on my faith, and be the August born Leo Queen I was born to be. But I won't push my faith, nor my beliefs on you- man, woman, boy or King. Nor will I judge you for whatsoever you choose to believe. Who am I to judge another man's scars? However, I will not sacrifice what I believe for anyone or anything no matter how "holy and righteous" they believe they may be. I am His first and He is King of this soul for eternity. P.E.R.I.O.D Unfortunately, what my soul desires for is that one possible soul that gets me. But until then, I will, with faith, determination and integrity; always by His Grace, I will rule my kingdom, content as I am.

I pray the one I seek is on the same battlefield as me, fighting his demons and fighting his way to me.

I pray that I will know when I cross swords with him, I pray I will know him and be ready to rule beside that earthly King. But until then I am content to rule this kingdom I have been given, and battle my way to the end. Iron sharpens Iron. Besides, you only get one shot at it.

me, ana